Brooklyn Nine-Nine is back and everyone is great and hilarious and wonderful and all, but we gotta talk about those Holt t-shirts. After learning that he had not gotten the police commissioner job, Captain Holt (Andre Braugher) fell into a deep depression that found him running off to a tropical resort to drown his sorrows. Unfortunately, it was the same resort Jake (Andy Samberg) and Amy (Melissa Fumero) had chosen for their honeymoon, and fortunately, Holt ran off so quickly that he didn’t even pack any clothes, leaving him to build a whole new wardrobe from what was available at the gift shop. That meant that for the whole episode, Captain Holt was outfitted in board shorts and shirts that said things like “What’s up, beaches?” (Instead of bitches, for humor reasons.) As everyone knows, Captain Holt hates humor, but as he says, he’s a joke now, so it suits him. And it also suits us, who just spent the whole premiere giggling.
One shirt was just muscles, another said “DTF: Down to Fiesta,” and another lime green beauty read, “1 Tequila, 2 Tequila, 3 Tequila, FLOOR!!!” Three exclamation marks included!!!But the biggest gem of them all, the cream of the crop of novelty T-shirts, was also the last one. It was bright yellow, and it featured a pineapple wearing a hot pink thong. And underneath the pineapple, in hot pink letters, it simply read, “SLUT.” While Jake was confused about the shirt’s meaning, Holt explained. “Clearly the pineapple…is the slut.” While, as Jake said, the shirt is both very aggressive and confusing, we need one immediately. “Yeah, they were good shirts,” Andre Braugher agreed during a press day for the new season.”That’s our new indie band,” Stephanie Beatriz joked of the Pineapple Sluts. “Andre plays keyboard, I play ukulele and we play shows around town. Can you imagine?” (Yes.)
Needless to say, depressed, ready-to-quit Holt wearing an inappropriate shirt was a side of the captain we’ve never seen before, and Braugher had a lot of fun with the episode. “It was a lot of fun exploring the depressive part of Holt because..he’s a little bit upset, you know what I mean? He’s depressed for a reason and it sort of cascades as a matter of fact. But you know, people you love, they’re depressed over the course of the time that you love them, so you get a chance to use all those things that you know about them when they’re depressed and nothing seems right, and it all seems hopeless. And I get a chance to spotlight those role models among all of the depressive people that I’ve ever loved, and so I thought it was great.” Expect the Pineapple Sluts to be playing at a venue near you any day now.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine airs Thursdays at 9 p.m. on NBC. (E! and NBC are both part of the NBC Universal family.)